Written piece
Purpose
Danlad Iddrisu Mohammed
Ghana
About this piece
Girls transitioning into adults, go through a lot—peer pressure, neglect, misconception, among others. Evelyn is no exception. She seeks to be enlightened, as she yearns for her parents' care. But ends up falling prey to bad company.
I was so obsessed with my beauty anytime I looked in the mirror. I perceived myself as the outstanding flower in the garden, especially after several colleagues had complimented me on my new hairstyle. I was tempted to believe that my good looks could be likened to that of Helen of Troy. My slender waist and curvy hips had deceptively convinced me. I felt on top of the world. The way I walked changed all of a sudden. Well, it wasn't as a result of any disability; I was just overwhelmed by my looks. Youthful exuberance had enslaved me. The fact that I'd just turned thirteen had somewhat filled me with pride. I got carried away.
Lisa, a classmate of mine, had befriended me. She claimed I was such a fun person to hang around with. She had rich parents who pampered her so much. She was given a lot of freedom, and had no concern mingling with the opposite sex. But I was different. I couldn't be like her due to my background, and the way I was nurtured. Even at fourteen, she already knew much about men and boys altogether. It was mind-boggling. She had lost her virginity when she was only twelve—that was the exact age she started menstruating. While I was brought up to believe that being a virgin was a great asset, she thought otherwise. She encouraged me to have sex by telling me how pleasurable it is. She got my attention, when she told me about its health benefits, and the fact that I could have a longer lifespan. I can still remember the day we had a lengthy conversation in her room about sex. Her utterances sounded vulgar, but she found nothing wrong with that. She wasn't ashamed, when she revealed that frequent sex was what had kept her strong and vibrant in all her daily activities. I was stunned, yet I believed her when she said that. Some friends are very manipulative, and can reset your mind in a second.
'Wow, then sex is really a good thing!' I said. 'But I'm afraid. What if I become pregnant?'
She laughed. 'Don't worry. With the use of contraceptives, you can avoid that.'
'What! You already know much about contraceptives?'
Lisa was a deviant who always had her own way of luring me into dubious acts. She taught me how to take alcohol without getting drunk, as well as wearing tight dresses without feeling too shy to take a walk in public. She also taught me that frequent partying had a way of reducing stress. She was too cunning for my liking, and I did wonder how she got that kind of knowledge at that tender age.
One afternoon, we'd visited Bismarck, her male friend. I wasn't comfortable with the idea prior to the visit, but she insisted. It was my first time meeting him, so I didn't want to spend much time at his place. I was naive, and had no idea she wanted to establish a relationship. It was more or less going on a date. I started figuring things out when she eventually left the two of us in the living room. It looked like she'd planned everything with him without my knowledge. I saw her making a gesture, but I didn't understand what she wanted to say to him. He started touching me after she'd left; that action of his really made me furious. I couldn't hide my resentment.
'Stop!' I said. 'We just met. I don't know you.'
He smiled at me, looking embarrassed. 'But I thought Lisa had already told you a bit about me.'
'No, she didn't.'
'Just relax, pretty girl. You'll surely taste something sweet this evening. Trust me,' he said, while trying to caress my breast.
'Hey, keep off!'
It was laudable how I resisted that temptation, though I almost gave in. Maybe I was fortunate he gave up so early. Thank God he stopped. I'd begun sweating already. And I understood how some girls easily fell prey to predators like him. To avoid any mishap, I'd told Lisa to quickly take me home. I needed to have some rest because I had a lot running through my mind.
Mum was seated idly on the couch when I approached her. She was the type that didn't want to be distracted while busy, so I always made sure I engaged her in conversation at suitable times, so as to not be labelled a nuisance.
I was hesitant. 'Um… please, may I have a word with you?' I said.
She then responded after staring at me for a while. 'I hope this won't be one of your lengthy conversations. I'll be attending to some church members, so make it quick.'
'OK, I want to… I… really—'
'What exactly do you want to say?' she interrupted. 'Say it, I'm all ears!'
'Mum, I really want to have some knowledge about sex.'
'Holy Mary! What did you just say? Don't you know it's forbidden for youngsters like you to talk about sex?'
'But mum, this isn't—'
'Oh I see. You want to become a spoilt child, right?'
'No, I only want to be educated. So that—'
'Shut that slippery mouth of yours! And don't ever talk about it again.'
'Why?'
'Just shut up!'
I felt so sad after she slammed me, and it wasn't the first time. She always ignored me, anytime I wanted us to have a discussion about sex and menstruation. Strange—I couldn't understand why she behaved that way. She didn't know what I was going through, and why I needed that education so badly. I sought to be enlightened but there was no one to help me out. My dad was the only option I had, yet he was a very busy person who was primarily concerned with work. A workaholic who hardly had time for me. To him, all that I needed were food and shelter. Nothing else. But he was wrong. I yearned to have someone who would teach me a lot about life so that I wouldn't stray and become wayward. Someone who would guide and protect me at all times. My frustration was as a result of the loneliness I felt within me. No one was ready to assist me to fully understand my purpose as a young girl who would soon become a woman. I became troubled after acknowledging that my parents had turned their backs on me. I was now left alone to face the unpredictable world as I'd been in the company of bad companions masqueraded as well-wishers.
Lisa and I did take part in extra studies after school. It was one of the measures put in place by the school authority to help improve students' performance. I didn't hide my dissatisfaction when we met. I told her that what Bismarck did the other day was totally clumsy and insolent. But she jumped to his defence trying to justify his actions. I wasn't so surprised at her reaction because I knew she might've had a hand in it. No matter how I explained it to her, she still didn't want to accept that he wronged me. That alone was suspicious. She claimed he was just having fun, and that there was nothing bad about it.
'Look, you can only enjoy life if you allow your body to follow the rhythm,' she said.
'What does that mean?'
'Just dance to his tune.'
'Really?'
'Of course. You can experience a lot when you mingle with guys of his calibre.'
'What makes him so special?'
'He's fashionable, and his dad is wealthy. Don't you want to date such a guy?'
I was speechless for a moment. 'But he's way older than me.'
'It doesn't matter, Evelyn. Just give him the chance to brighten your life.'
'But he's in a rush to have sex with me.'
'There's nothing wrong with that. It's actually part of the process.'
'What! Our pastor had advised young girls in church to abstain from sex. He said that's the best way to live a responsible and blessed life.'
'Your pastor was referring to the ancient lifestyle. We're in modern times now, and things have changed. You need to learn the new way of life, and it'll surely set you free.'
'Um… are you sure?'
'C'mon, you're a big girl now.'
Gradually, my morals were being adulterated, but I perceived not. She'd already transformed me halfway, by making me feel so comfortable around her. With time, I unlearnt many things; everything began to look like fun to me. A dangerous path. But I was helpless—there wasn't anyone to guide me, and perhaps give me the right answers. She took advantage of my innocence and inexperience, because I was bereft of much knowledge about my own self and environment.
I mused about our conversation again and again. It kept echoing in my head until I reached home. Contrary to my religious doctrines, I started considering her ideologies as true enlightenment that perhaps would give me genuine freedom. I seemed so brainwashed that I never had second thoughts about all that she said. I wondered why she was able to have so much influence on me. I'd pledged not to get close to her for fear of being led astray by her deviant lifestyle, but I kept developing interest in her captivating discussions, anytime we met. She had a strong charisma, and could easily attract people no matter the occasion. Though there were several allegations about her, I never bought into rumours regarding her use of charms. In my opinion, the fact that I couldn't resist her company, was partly based on personal desire born out of curiosity and fascination.
Dad was home, and I felt so happy to see him. I'd been waiting patiently to spend some time with him. I assumed he was going to spend at least a week with us, when I saw him dragging a small luggage along. I was filled with optimism, only to be told that he would be going on a business trip the following day. I became upset after he revealed that to me. It was so disappointing that it turned out that way, after I'd thought he'd be lavishing me with attention, this time round.
'But dad, you came along with your luggage.'
'Sorry, dear. It belongs to a friend, not me.'
There was nothing I could say again. I was traumatized, considering the situation I found myself. A lot had changed over the years, unlike when I was eight. We used to have a lot of nice moments together. Visiting the zoo with him and going to the beach to have some fun were just among the things we normally did on every weekend. Memories of the past actually made me restless. I wished I could turn back the clock.
He stood up the moment his phone rang. I stared at him, knowing he wanted to leave for work again.
'You just arrived, dad. Why are you leaving us?' I said.
'Please take heart, my darling. We have an emergency, but I promise to return home after two weeks.'
'What! Two weeks? That's unacceptable, dad.'
'Well, in case you need some money, just call me.'
'I don't need money, dad. I already have enough. All I want is to spend some time with you.'
'But your mum is around.'
'Mum is always busy too. She goes to work early in the morning and comes back home late in the evening. And on weekend, she's so occupied with church activities. I'm going crazy because she hardly spends time with me.'
'Please, don't fret. I've heard you, and I promise to be back soon. OK?'
'OK, dad.'
I was so downtrodden when he left, and I wished he could understand me. I was being weighed down by psychological stress, and it really tormented me. I could feel something was missing in my life. It was crystal clear what that was. I yearned for parental care and guidance. I wanted to really feel parental presence all around me—which wasn't just about the physical effect, but more importantly, the emotional and psychological impact on my well-being. Something every adolescent girl needed, so as to live responsibly.
I'd almost lost my appetite as I remained seated on the couch. A variety of thoughts engulfed me. But there was nothing I could do about it. I only had to resort to patience, amidst the emotional unrest. Being forlorn, and dealing with boredom wasn't all that difficult to overcome; however, I feared I might succumb to peer pressure in the long run, and become something I never imagined.
Lisa and I were heading to Bismarck's house again. This time round, I wasn't timorous; I had no hesitation whatsoever. Lisa had succeeded in erasing any fear I had previously, thereby changing my demeanour.
'I really want the best for you, Evelyn. And I know that having a romantic relationship with Bismarck, will certainly give you an awesome experience,' she said.
I only smiled at her as we entered the house. It was a magnificent two-storey building with a vast compound. The aesthetic view was appealing, as there were many beautiful flowers aligned at the entrance. I was told his parents lived abroad; so he was left in the care of his janitor, who had no control over him. He was also a deviant, just like Lisa, and loved partying at night. He engaged in social vices such as drug abuse and cultism, and was branded a rascal by many people. All these didn't deter me. In fact, there were so many things about him that were red flags, but I was blinded by Lisa's influence to accept him the way he was.
We'd spent approximately two hours before taking leave of him. I'd lost so much energy as a result of the intense sexual activity that had taken place. I was somewhat depressed since it was the first time experiencing that. I felt he'd taken something precious from me. I wasn't even concerned about the huge amount he gave us—I was worried about my health, and the fact that he'd actually succeeded in stripping of my virginity. But then, I had no one to blame but myself. I'd fallen into the trap of thinking that having sexual intercourse was the only way I could aquire true maturity, and become the woman I yearned to be. I'd imagined sex would be fun and full of excitement considering what I'd been made to believe, only to witness a completely different experience. I was traumatised, after my underwear had become stained with blood.
As I was worried about the whole experience, Lisa had a different opinion. She rather urged me on. She told me she was happy I'd now transitioned into a true woman. She was the kind of friend who would flatter you, and make you feel like you were doing the right thing, even when you knew it wasn't the case. Undoubtedly, such friends were more poisonous than vipers.
'Congratulations! For becoming a woman,' she said. 'You'll now experience a better world.'
'Really?'
'Of course. Can't you see you're looking good already?'
'I've not noticed that.'
I pretended all was well, as we walked along the road, but deep down I was hurt. Really hurt. I had guilt written all over me, even as I tried to conceal it. Aside from being emotionally troubled, my physical well-being wasn't intact. I could still feel pain around my genitalia, and dizziness all over my body. I just couldn't explain why I felt that way.
'I understand how you feel, but you'll soon be alright,' she said. 'It's because you're experiencing it for the first time.'
I was drunk when I came home. Mum was deeply shocked at the sight of me. She became so perplexed when she realised I couldn't even walk properly. She inquired about many things, including where I'd been all day, but I wasn't even in my right mind to respond to her. I staggered across the living room like a somnambulist, which prompted her to hold my arm, for fear that I might trip and fall. She didn't want me to get hurt, so she guarded me till we entered the bedroom. She then lamented after she helped me to take off my stinking cardigan. She was heartbroken to see her only daughter looking so awful. Any mum could've felt the same.
'You've not answered me, Evelyn. Where have you been?' she asked. 'And who saw you home?'
I still couldn't respond. It was as if she was speaking to a lifeless body. I'd already fallen on the bed. All I needed was a good night's sleep—nothing else. I was so exhausted. Having noticed I couldn't answer her questions, she quietly left the room.
I was almost late for school when mum called me. She told me she had something to discuss with me. She wasn't looking cheerful when my eyes met hers. I actually didn't know what I'd done wrong as she kept staring at me. She maintained her cold demeanour till she broke her silence.
'Are you aware you were so drunk last night?'
'Me? No, I don't remember.'
'Are you saying, you don't even remember where you went to?'
'Um… well, Lisa and I went to a friend's birthday party. That's the only thing I remember.'
She became speechless for a moment. I could feel her anguish as she made a vague gesture with her index finger. She then opened her bag and took out a small plastic container. I wondered what the content was—it didn't look like something I could easily guess.
'This is what I found in your pocket last night,' she remarked, after throwing the condom at me.
I paused for a second before responding; I had so many thoughts running through my mind. I didn't want to pretend I knew nothing about it. I rather deemed it an opportunity to tell her point blank what her negligence and poor parenting had turned me into. I suddenly became emotional.
I confidently looked her in the eye and said, 'Yes, I bought it. I even have plenty under my bed.'
She got furious and tried to smack me, but she got a more shocking reaction from me.
'Don't you dare, mum!' I remarked, after holding her wrist. 'Remember you turned your back on me when I needed sex education from you. So let me be!'
She gasped in disbelief when I poured out my displeasure. She wasn't expecting that. She actually didn't know I was no more the timid daughter she once perceived me to be. My exposure to bad lifestyle had changed me completely. But I was hurt. I felt I wouldn't have ended up with bad company if my parents had been there for me when I needed them. Truly, my life had not been the same ever since Lisa introduced me to a different world. I indulged in illicit sex, and attended numerous night parties. I had no time for my books anymore. It was so concerning. My academic performance had dropped woefully, rendering teachers anxious. I often skipped classes just to spend time with friends, including other crazy stuff.
'So you have the temerity to say that to my face? Don't you have manners anymore?'
'My manners deserted me when you and dad started showing only little concern for me. You were always busy with work, online courses, juicy trips, church activities, among others. You thought schooling was all I needed, but that wasn't enough. I needed your guidance and mentorship so badly, but you never deemed it important. Your selfishness surely contributed to my waywardness. So you are partly to blame for this.'
She became quiet all of a sudden as if she'd been hit by lightning. It was obvious she'd begun to admit her shortcomings. Tears dripped from her eyes as she spoke to me. She sounded so remorseful. It was incredibly the first time seeing her in that mood.
'Um… we're sorry we failed in parenting you, but we've always wanted the best for you. I… I thought I was—'
'It's OK, mum. There's no need explaining. Because the damage is done.'
'And what do you mean by that, Evelyn?'
'I'm on drugs.'
'Jeez!'